How To Contact Me

 

Jul 3rd 2015:

Note: This contact post resubmits periodically to avoid spam.

It is simple enough for you to contact me for whatever reason by posting a comment below; the comment will only be seen by me. You do have to leave your email address for me to be able to respond…

For any in a position to make it happen and if you feel so inspired, I wanted to say that I also have some experiences I would not share online but would enjoy sharing in a reverent setting such as in a sacrament meeting.

Public opinion on Marriage seems in flux and I even wonder if some Young Single Adults are losing Faith in Marriage and so I would enjoy sharing my perspective on Marriage to whatever population could most benefit from learning about why I so cherish this Union.

Thanks you all, and I will talk to you in six months.

0 comments

How To Contact Me

Jul 3rd 2015:

It is simple enough for you to contact me for whatever reason by posting a comment below; the comment will only be seen by me. You do have to leave your email address for me to be able to respond…

For any in a position to make it happen and if you feel so inspired, I wanted to say that I also have some experiences I would not share online but would enjoy sharing in a reverent setting such as in a sacrament meeting.

Public opinion on Marriage seems in flux and I even wonder if some Young Single Adults are losing Faith in Marriage and so I would enjoy sharing my perspective on Marriage to whatever population could most benefit from learning about why I so cherish this Union.

Thanks you all, and I will talk to you in six months.

0 comments

Kathy’s Miracle

 

 

 

Because like you all I have more demands then time and strength, I share my final post; my thoughts hastily written. I am going to create another post after this that says ‘Contact Me’ with some details pertaining to that. I will post again in 6 months to share what I am then doing.

 

Thanks everyone for your interest and concern throughout our hard times. Kathy has been gone for six months. I used to always dream I was with her; never aware in my dream that I would wake up without her. I loved being with her in my dreams because it always felt real. Now in my dreams I am always searching for her, always wondering why she has left and where she is and if she will return, always forgetting she no longer walks this earth. The diminished intensity of my heart ache has been sufficient to allow me to keep moving, hoping, repenting, and striving. Still I do have a sense of the long road ahead due to the heaviness I still feel, a heaviness that even now I could not describe. I know there are worse things that could have happened; like love that fizzles, but for me personally I do not know of anything harder then losing Kathy. I am now thankful for each hard time I ever did face; God’s gift to fortify me for my loss. I am also very thankful for the manner in which I treated my wife in part because of the persuasive nature of Kathy and my eagerness to oblige. I now thank God for this dynamic of our union; as it was his way to allow this idealist; I, to feel satisfied in the relationship I had and will yet enjoy in the future. I would not at all be surprised that upon receiving the news of this trial during my premortal life that I would have tried to dictate the terms upon which such a loss would be acceptable to me. Even as this all unfolded I was filled with such gratitude to God; that it had been my fortune to sacrifice my ambition and as Kathy would say ‘my dreams’ so that I could instead meet the needs of my wife; a woman that faced a life time of trial and hardship. As her husband I was in awe of the elevated state of being she enjoyed when she was first hospitalized. This envelopment of the Holy Ghost upon her lasted for many weeks before she was left to face what was for her the final test of her life. We did not know her future, if she would die, heal completely, live disabled or in sickness. Still she placed her childlike trust in her loving Father in Heaven. As to the generosity from others extended to us during this time, I will always be most grateful that the kindness from all of you and many others translated into my wife being filled with a very unique and Christ Like Love as she passed over to the other side. I am grateful to know where Kathy is; the only real comfort I find comes from this knowledge. I am grateful that Kathy and I were possessed of a clear conscience; without offense to God, when all of this began; so I would not have to wonder if we were merely being chastened for our misdeeds. I know part of Kathy’s courage in the face of uncertain death came because she had long listened to the voice of the Lord and could thereby look back upon her life without regret. She was not without frailty and fault but instead of justification she trusted in the Son of God; even Jesus Christ to make her whole. By listening to the voice of the lord she became perfected in him; a special witness that I was blessed to receive. I am of the mind that in this life only God is truly good, and so when I talk of anything good within me or my wife I am boasting of the goodness of God. I have beheld much of the miraculous during this time. In my unique position I have beheld clearly the work of God within my wife. His work and his Glory being to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. Oh how glorious a work it is for I have seen it and there is nothing greater. Many have shared with me what they believed to be Kathy’s Miracle. Of all the miracles that come to pass during the course of our lives by the hand of God, of all the miracles that God has made during the passing of my wife. Kathy’s Miracle is that same Miracle given to all; even the Miracle of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. When we die into the birth of Eternal Life we will have our own miracle, the same one that as pertaining to Kathy is affectionately called Kathy’s Miracle.

Endure It Well, my friends.

Endure It Well, my friends.

11 comments

Professional Chefs and Classic Dishes of your State or Country

First, I have had two people respond with a story they are willing to share. Some stories are actually tied to the story of my wife and that is perfectly fine. God uses whatever is available to him to influence us in our lives. It would be great to get stories from you all, your story might have power of its own and carry meaning for someone. Is it worth your time? Though not as many people follow this blog I still get around 3500 hits on this site per week. I hope you are all thinking about it.

Okay,

When visiting families in their home as is part of my church calling, I usually ask the youth what they most like about their home. The most common answer is ‘The Food”.

I have long had a desire to learn the classic dish for each country and if applicable each state; as some states are like foreign countries ha ha. I would like to know the authentic preparation of each dish. Recipe books are sometimes not accurate. So I was wondering if there is anyone reading this blog that knows an authentic traditional recipe of a classic dish or one of the main classic dishes of their state or country. For example Venezuela has a classic dish called Pabellon Criollo. Sure ther are other dishes as well but this meets that criteria for a classic Venezuelan cuisine.

Also if any of you are former professional chefs or current ones, I would love to pick your brain for some resources. Thanks.

 

0 comments

To Evolve or Dissolve This Blog; You Decide

Thanks all, I am getting some options for baby sitting; the start of a pool. To those that responded I will likely contact you when I am planning something and could use your help. So their might be some delay before I do contact you. Keep in mind that location is a big part of it; the majority of you that responded fall out of the location I am looking for (Between Ogden to Farmington is the most helpful) To those outside this area I might not really be able to use your help very often, but I’ll see I might use you more then I realize.

 

I am approaching six months without Kathy. I am improving but still not to the point where ‘how are you doing’ can honestly be answered. I still have to work to keep my emotions under control when I am out and about. It is a long process; at least for me it is.

I have reached a point where this blog will need to evolve or dissolve. This is the insight given to me. Because I do this for you, I leave it in your hands. I am looking for you to share with this community your own personal stories that are faith promoting. You will not always be understood… Your story might not be as dramatic or sensational as the next persons… Please do not let fear; in whatever form, stop you from sharing a story that might help someone in this community.

 

Criteria:

Less than 1500 words.

Include pictures (you will not remain anonymous).

Format (Give some effort to frame your story in an interesting light)

Example format, I don’t care what format you use the idea is to give it some thought:

Caption; to hook us to the story

Three ideas you will touch on.

Touch on each of the ideas.

Conclude.

This above is merely an example, I don’t care; as long as you work to make it interesting, not inflated not sensational, just not told in a boring way.

I will be disappointed if I do not hear from every person that reads this blog. I want every person to take on this challenge(every person that is capable of doing this on their own, I cannot write your story for you)… It is okay to give this some thought, take your time…

 

If you are interested in sharing a story:

Stage one:

Post a comment to me (Only I will see the comment)

Give me a brief synopsis/overview of the story you want to share

Give me your email address

I will give you feedback on the story idea.

Stage two:

Write the story and send to me.

I will review and offer feedback.

 

Stage three:

Send in final story with photos.

I will let you know when your story will post.

 

 

I very  much understand if you all are not interested in doing this or doing it in the way I propose, like I said; I write this blog for you to show my appreciation, and if it is time to hang it up then it has served its purpose.

Finally, I am looking for real stories. I do not like sensational fluff.

Tell it as it really is, what is most personal is most general, tell the truth to connect with your audience.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

0 comments

Looking to Build a Sitter Pool

Hi all I have been itching for fun lately. We have been going to Pine View a lot; it is the best in the evenings. We go to the free beach and there are always some twenty some things living it up. Last night I was on a 40 foot log with a bunch of guys I don’t know; showing them how to do back flips off the log. But they could hardly stand up on it. Anyways  I am considering getting a season pass to Lagoon for me and my three older kids. I hate to make them adrenaline junkies and it isn’t cheap but I need some fun in my life; something other then teaching drunk guys how to stand up on a floating log.

 

I am looking for some sitters, maybe a pool of some sitters so I can have flexibility and was wondering if you know anyone interested in this job.

Details:

Will baby sit Nyomi age 4 and Mya age 2.

Will baby sit them in your own home; it is okay if you have other family members there.

Pay is 4$-7$ depending on your age.

Need some sitters that live around the Farmington area.

Also curious of any sitters that live between Brigham City and Ogden.

I prefer someone that is graduated from High School.

I don’t want my girls watching TV while being baby sat.

Looking for sitters in the evening, around 6-1030pm.

 

Let me know if you are interested by posting a comment. Only I will be able to see your comment.

 

Also, I am more spontaneous which might not fit with some people. I probably will text you that day asking if you want to baby sit that night; which is why I want a few options; that is a few interested sitters. I will flux a little on the time too, if we are having fun we come home a little later if we are bored sooner.

Note this job is more ideal for the night owl type of person.

 

Let me know if you are interested, thanks.

0 comments

Essentialism

It's 5am and Ally is off to Pioneer Trek, to walk the very path of the Hand Cart Pioneer's.

It’s 5am and Ally is off to Pioneer Trek, to walk the very path of the Hand Cart Pioneer’s.

Returning after 5 days in Wyoming, they decided to come into town with their Hand Carts, Ally got to sit it in the hand cart for this last mile.

Returning after 5 days in Wyoming, they decided to come into town with their Hand Carts, Ally got to sit it in the hand cart for this last mile.

After never seeing mommy again, Mya was very excited and quite surprised when Ally suddenly returned home.

After never seeing mommy again, Mya was very excited and quite surprised when Ally suddenly returned home.

Nyomi turned four this week. We had a modest Birthday Party, hopefully I can get better at planning these though she had fun.

Nyomi turned four this week. We had a modest Birthday Party, hopefully I can get better at planning these though she had fun.

 

Some people that went on Trek spoke in Sacrament meeting today. It was a very spiritual meeting because the speakers were full of the spirit of the Holy Ghost. They had spent the last week not just learning what the Hand Cart pioneers did rather why they did it; and they had returned full of the spirit. The victory of being on the road to Zion no matter what happened to them. The victory of doing the essential not just the important and good… I was happy to see the spirit in these speakers that had gone on Trek because it is evidence that we all have the capacity to bring a much fuller measure of the spirit into ourlives if we so desire to put in the work to recieve it, if we are willing to do the essential. Our actions from day to day actually matter very much we can create our own Trek like experiences.

Some were amazed that little 58lb Ally could pull a handcart by herself; and ‘incredible fast’ they said marvelling to me. Perhaps she is so little her low center of gravity makes her go quick. Ally also kept up and did not slow the group down. And of course she never complained but was like a butterfly making friends with everyone. Ally told me she had shared her testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and that she thought she felt the spirit and that usually she is nervous and scared to do so but that her fear went away. It was interesting that a teenage boy told me that Ally’s testimony had touched him very much. He later mentioned this again when speaking in sacrament. We all become powerful when we live worthy of the spirit of the Holy Ghost.

Chase; my 9 year old boy, stepped up in Ally’s abscence. I believe he was eager for the opportunity and I was amazed that he could do all that he did.

 

 

 

 

 

6 comments

To Limit What God Wants For Us

Well I am still here. I suppose I don’t post often because I often feel quite heavy; not in the mood to share. I keep Kathy nearer but she feels further. It is not easy to hold onto this woman that still commands my everything but is mostly unseen, unheard, unfelt; but breathing, living, still touching my heart. It is my aim to keep her with me; no matter how hard, that I can move on with life never having purposefully pushed her away. She will ever reside within me regardless of what I do and become in the rest of my life. Yet beyond her meaning to me I know she is out their, my vibrant living woman. I know she is a busy body (spiritual body), but I know she will help us here too. She wanted me to marry again. In the letter I read after she passed she promised to try to find me another wife so I would not have to walk this world alone, she did not want me to be alone. With a blend of loneliness and longing for your loved one, I understand why some Widowed marry quickly; even hastily, and it might be what is best for them and their sanity; despite some of the unfortunate repercussions. Still… I am not of this nature. Even my own wife used the word ‘try’ because she knows I may never fall in love again. I try not to limit what God wants for me by expecting to receive only what I think is possible or merited. I have faith that he can give unto me whatever he pleases whenever he so chooses and I should not constrain him. Regarding marriage, I know he can send someone into my life that would capture my interest; this would be a miracle in and of itself, for me to have interest in someone after losing someone like Kathy. Not to mention I would still need to capture hers. He could make this happen today or ten years from today or never. I will do my best to be open to loving someone so I can be excused if I never do. I do not want to deprive my children of being raised without a motherly influence in the home but I will not marry without love. I appreciate the personal comments some of you share, thank you. I will attach some pics to this post later.

 

5 comments

Happy Memorial Day

 

I have been on my toes, my guard has been up; I have become more put together and functional by keeping Kathy at a distance. But where am I now? Standing at a fork in the road where only one path can be chosen. Could I walk away from her? Yes I could, and I would regret walking away so soon. It is hard for me to live life when I keep Kathy in my thoughts and heart. But my prayer now is to bring her close to me while being able to still function. The experience is quite indescribable. I do not know how such a state; of feeling so much abiding love and so much longing, can be a permanent one for someone that feels it is the right thing to seek remarriage. At some point I will at least ‘pursue’ remarriage though I only feel it my duty to give it a shot and only if the right woman comes my way. I am not in the same boat as those single guys that have not been sealed; I can be more open to whatever outcome. Still, nearly five months without Kathy. Five months. I’m sure I have over 500 more without her. I had around 162 months with her and now 500 without. 500. The numbers alone make me think ‘buck up’ you got 500 months coming with someone else, choose well; very well… However I am not capable of marriage simply to give my children a mother as needful as this is, I would only marry if I loved another with all my heart. This presents a problem when Kathy has my heart. If I bring her close she has my everything; it is beyond consuming, it is the essence of love and romance. My eyes are more opened to love and romance now that Kathy is gone. So yes I do feel one day I have to walk away because I don’t know how you give two people all your love. Obviously I will always love Kathy very strongly; a gift given me by virtue of our relationship the covenants we made and the promises we kept and the blessings we were granted, and nothing can steal this away except my own dissolution of character. Barring the end of the world happening sooner then later I likely will not be with Kathy for a very good amount of time and when I reach her by passing through the doors of my own death, my perhaps older and more forgetful mind will at once regain perfect remembrance and more importantly the love we have will at once be felt in a greater measure then what we can experience here. Oh boy, that will be pure Heaven; that is when death has no sting.

Geez remarriage and falling completely in love again seems very complex to understand. I do not understand it and now this post is driving me a little crazy and making me feel uneasy. My intent now is to bring Kathy close to me again, I did this today; I am praying I can keep her close and function. I am grateful to be able to still have my sweetheart close to me; even if the heart beats increase, I get to experience very special feelings of love as she blankets my thoughts and desires and ultimately my everything. I know this is the one area God has made me rich, in love for my wife by way of a blessed state of marriage. If I can gush for a moment on this memorial day, I am a lucky man to have enjoyed the highly eventful and ultimately incredible marriage that I did. In marriage sometimes you give more then you take but at some point both parties need to be giving more then taking and I don’t know how this is achieved; only by striving to follow Jesus Christ. But I do know that only when both give in this way is marriage truly at its best. Effort is what matters, not making it happen on your own accord rather striving and having faith in the mercy of Christ. If the fulfillment felt in your marriage is because of what you do then it is nothing to the fulfillment you will feel in that marriage that is lifted up to new heights by the grace of Jesus Christ. If I know anything, I know what an exalted marriage feels like; and it did not come from me and it did not come from Kathy, it came from on high; given to us as a gift. A gift available to all; no matter how far it may seem to some of us at certain times in our marriages, it was a long time coming in my own marriage. We only need to strive and have faith and exercise faith not trusting in our own works to save us but allowing the mercy of the atonement to make the ordinary extraordinary.

Look at who’s headstone finally arrived,

 

 

2015-05-24 09.09.40

 

2015-05-24 09.10.32

 

It seems a local Memorial Day custom in Bear River City is to cut junks off of a large piece of cheese that sits in the back of a pickup truck.

It seems a local Memorial Day custom in Bear River City is to cut chunks off of a large piece of cheese that sits in the back of a pickup truck… Ally cutting the cheese with the best of them.

 

 

Say Cheeeese.

Say Cheeeese… This machete also keeps the coyote population down. 

 

12 comments

The Spirit of That Great Book

 

I am going to dump some thoughts no matter how unintelligible they are so you have something from me since it has been awhile.

The days following my last post were something like: I could glance at a picture of Kathy and my heart might groan or twinge and then I have to quickly choose what path of thought and feeling to follow. I kept choosing the positive path during these daily assaults. Sometimes I could quickly think about the great life I had with Kathy and then move into thinking about the great life I can have in this seemingly second life of mine. At other times I could not think about my life with Kathy but would just focus again on this new stage of life, even if that includes talking out loud to Kathy about anything I can see exciting for my future life. Still I keep myself for the most part more emotionally closed off from Kathy, only moving close to her when I need to cope with stronger emotions. I do this because it is the guidance for me that I have, to move on. I have this desire to make a good life for myself, to make use of my senses, organs, faculties, of all those parts of me which give the feeling of existence. I know in a very personal way that man or woman who has lived longest is not the woman who has counted most years, but she who has enjoyed life most. This river of life is ever flowing and we sail from birth on for fifty, seventy, eighty, or thirty four years. Every year passes into an eternity, never, never to return. Yet everything that we are, our weakness and every trait of character stays with us. One night I took one of my kids out on the lawn at night; realizing things were not as good for him without his mom their and so I held him and cried and talked about Mom’s love and God’s love for him. I show this emotion in calculated doses with the kiddies. The home is not what it once was.  Aside from Kathy’s absence we have had more whining and anger from all of us then in times past. If, at the end of the day, one finds his spirit heavy because of having failed, one’s conscience pricked because of having manifested weakness or having indulged in sin, then on that day, at least, one has not found life at its best. All of us know when we are burdened to a greater extent then what is normal we are more sensitive to the departure of the spirit from our lives. Thankfully I also have a lot of confidence in the grace of Christ, that we do what we can; and even though it is quite feeble, when we rely on God he makes up the rest. I do not put much stock into what I can do, merely my desire and effort.

Aside from what I mentioned above, on some days on about four different occasions there were also some times of stronger emotion that came on me, that feeling of being daunted or overwhelmed by grief, a threat to sink my boat and put me back into that intense grief of which I was under for four months of which I am working hard to not fall into. These are crucial times, I could easily fall into heavy grief, my effort matters. During these pivotal times of choosing my path I found only one comfort. It was not in my life with Kathy and how lucky we were to live it well together according to our conscience, nor was the comfort found in pondering a new life, I found comfort each time in reviewing the very simple yet wonderful realities of existence. Here is one such basic excerpt from my journal that shows sometimes the most simple thought process is the most powerful ‘Kathy is still alive. She is still how she was; not suddenly changed. She is not in this life anymore. Still in this world but not in this life. I don’t like it but she has finished her time here. God could have spared her through a miracle; I know Kathy was led in her dieting as well, but God let her spirit leave her body and this world to move into the next world. He foresaw this. I am not perfect but I feel I have tried hard and done pretty well. Maybe I should not think such a way but I do. I try to have faith. I am so thankful for some of the circumstances under which I live, the grace comming’… What I think was going on in these moments was my need to reaffirm my faith. Faith is what we stand on and at least on these occasions my feelings produce the sensation that something is wrong and thus I have to reaffirm my faith. This has been very powerful. Throughout this process different types of thinking has brought comfort but where I stand today; my greatest comfort has now come from what I believe about life after death and Gods involvement in my life. I fall into a cliché here, what brings me the most comfort? My knowledge of life after death and my knowledge of the dealings of God.

This past weekend probably from thur-mon; five days, I was zapped with that heavy grief that was upon me during the first four months. Again I could not identify any real trigger or lack of action on my part but it came and sat on me. For a remedy to this I am seeking the magical. Since Monday the kids and I have been studying the Book of Mormon. The following quote summarizes what we are now testing as a family, we like to test things out and see if they work, I have faith it will work and so we will do it without fail. This quote reminds me very much of Kathy, she brought magic into the home through things like this:

Marion G Romney said ‘I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity- the pure love of Christ- will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness’

I will post pictures when I have a moment.

6 comments