Happy ‘late’ Valentine’s Day!

An easy no pressure Valentine’s Day for me this year!

I am always glad to see happy couples. May God bless you with an exquisite marriage. I know it is not always easy, but it can always be well worth the effort. I know my sacrifice for Kathy has given me feelings of no ordinary measure, but our mutual sacrifice is what truly made our marriage sweet. If we could all experience this sweetness we would transform ourselves and do everything in our power to make our marriage the singular union and experience of life. Keep hopeful and trust in God to bring this to your marriage. For me it has been the most bitter without Kathy. I feel prepared to go to war, to lay my life down for some noble cause. But instead I am asked to reconnect with life, to stay soft when it would be easier to remain hardened. And so I try be hopeful that sweetness will come to my life again. That I will allow it to come. That I will allow myself to love someone again. I don’t know how this happens but I am hopeful it can happen. It builds upon one glance, one date, one touch, at a time; until I love again. If I expect to find love twice in one lifetime I hope you feel you deserve love as well; no matter how far off it may now seem, God can transform your marriage.

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  • Anonymous

    Hi Nathan. I’m a father like you and have been a reader of your blog going back to when you and Kathy first started it. I’m glad you decided to start writing again. I also really enjoyed your videos… those were great!

    A while back, I came across something that an older man wrote about the passing of people he loved. It’s very moving and accurate. I wanted to share it with you…

    “I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

    As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

    In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

    Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

    Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.”

  • Natasha

    Nathan,

    I have been reading your story since it first came out on KSL something like a year and a half ago. I just wanted you to know that even though I don’t personally know you, I believe I have prayed for first, Kathy, and now you and your family ever since. I’m so glad you’re posting on a regular basis again and I appreciate you sharing your inner most thoughts and struggles with us. It gives me much to think about and I’ve learned much from your journey thus far. On a side note, while I’m not in the same situation as you, and one never knows how they’ll react until they’re actually in a situation, I’ve often thought that I’ve never remarry if my husband died. Seeing, (indirectly), you being asked to do so when you clearly have little to no interest in doing so gives me much to think about in regards to the hand of God and what He intends for us versus what we desire for ourselves. My heart aches for you in that regard as I can only imagine how difficult even the very thought must be, much less the actual change of heart and preparation you must go through to even be willing to do so.

  • Heather

    Could you please contact me via e-mail?

  • Heather

    I saw this on KSL and this woman is fighting the same battles as you! I thought you might find it interesting!! http://afterthevictory.com/

  • Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your sweet family.